Much ado about milk

20 September 2018 : 5 weeks (1 month)

The chocolate mousse cake from father-in-law’s birthday dinner at 6pm last night came in handy at 6am this morning. I inhaled half of it using a soup spoon: an enormous amount of chocolate mousse with marshmallow and nuts. I attacked that chocolate cake like a heartbroken teenager after prom. It has been a difficult night. For 90 minutes I held Lochie in my arms and we zoned in and out of sleep, and by the morning I was wrecked. My mother-in-law came over in the morning to take care of a very teary Lochie , while I slept and recovered.

With the milk coming in, it’s not possible to get too many hours in a row. At the same time, Lochie is refusing the breast and not enjoying it as much as he used to.

My milk supply is diminishing and it is the saddest thing. I wish so much to feed him for 12 months, maybe even longer. I miss it so much. It was the most pleasant activity that I looked forward to. It felt good. It made me feel so close to my child. Somehow we need to get past this hopefully temporary period.

I am worried about my diminishing supply. My sister-in-law, who gave birth a boy (let’s call him Phoenix) just 3 months before I had Lochie, has been breastfeeding exclusively. Exclusive breastfeeding is aptly named because it really is an exclusive club. Most mothers I know have not been able to exclusively breastfeed. I wish I was lactationally gifted.

Once, when my SIL and I were both breastfeeding our babies in my yard, I caught a glimpse of chubby-cheeked Phoenix chomping away at his mum’s nipple. While Lochie battled my stingy nipple, Phoenix took a moment from his trance to see what the fuss was all about. I’ll never forget the look on his face: the unadulterated satisfaction as his plum cheeks glowed and his plump lips dribbled with milk. There was so much milk it was practically spilling out of his mouth.

Lochie has been extremely fussy today. We bathed him twice. At first he cried, then pooped (I took him out just in time, no aqua dump milestone here) then returned to the bath to float without tears. And then… came the calm after the storm. For an hour we had the most amazing family time! We wrapped Lochie in a towel, he even gummed a nipple for a split second, and we listened to the Beatles in the library. Lochie relished the attention. After the day’s fuss, he passed out in my arms a calm and happy child.