Happy 3nd birthday

13 August 2021 | 3 years old

I am happy. But not as happy as Lochie was today when they sang him the birthday song at childcare. He clasped his hands to his heart and cupped his ears at the hoorays, smiling without shyness or anxiety in front of the choral of toddlers and carers. The video brought tears to my eyes, my mum’s eyes, my aunty’s eyes. The innocence and excitement about life and all the new things was palpable.

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As for me. I was on a high today. Why? Had I had too many coffees? Was it the great sunny weather and the hope of things to come? Was it not having overeaten the day before? Was it having had a few meetings that seemed to be productive? Was it looking pretty in pink? There was definitely a little fire burning inside me, a flame catching fuel. A sense of genuine excitement like spring in the air, the excitement of Lochie’s upcoming and his inevitable joy tomorrow, the excitement of no longer buying into the fear mongering and depression of the lockdowns, a detachment and freedom from being its slave to realising I just want to live and enjoy life again and all I need to do is simply stop and focus on the little bodies in my arms, the little bodies that right now want my attention and cuddles. And the weird thing is that I’m suddenly able to engage with this again.