Three and through

15 March 2021 | 1 year, 2.5 years

Tomorrow I return to the office officially. First day of school nerves. It has been 3 years since I mentally left work. Three years is a long time, it is time to re-enter the office officially.

Last week Jono started childcare, turned 1, did another 2 days of childcare and had a jam packed weekend as Don and I contrived to exhaust the kids into better sleep patterns. Lochie is exhausted by 7, horizontal by 730, yawning by 8, and by 830 he is a limp object in Dali’s Persistence of Memory. That doesn’t stop him from getting a second wind of energy and thrashing in bed until 10pm. He insists I sit next to his bed and occasionally caress him as he pokes his arm out of between the bars, and he threatens to scream and wake up Jono if I leave.

My evenings are like this: bed the Jono with a boob, cuddle and read to Lochie, sit with wine in his room in the nursing rocking chair, listen to Ghibli lullabies and get sentimental. The wine just helps drown the pain of sentimentality when really I’m just tired from the sore neck sleeps and the hyper vigilance of looking after a toddler and a baby prone to accidents and quick to tears.

As tomorrow marks the start of yet another chapter, and as I’m waiting for the feet shuffle of Lochie to fade out into deep sleep, it’s time to reflect on the special year that has been.

I really fell in love with the rhythm of Cassie and Kat in my life surrounding the children. Cassie was the best thing we did during the first 2 years of motherhood. She helped so much. She made everything so special for me. The best gift a mother could ever get.

915pm. I just reached in and touched Lochie’s tiny soft hand and as he is falling asleep he grabbed my fingers. Flush of love and happiness and clarity. The only thing that matters is right here.

930pm. Asleep.