How do I mum, mum?
20 September 2018 : 5 weeks (1 month)
Becoming a mother makes you suddenly need your own mother again: to watch the baby while you sleep, to teach you the ropes, and to share in the joys of mothering. At the beginning, mothering is quite distinct from fathering. There’s a certain faith, a secret code if you like, that is shared and understood only by mothers.
When you’re boobing a fussy newborn at 2am, you’re not alone: a million mothers across the world are squeezing their feeders into toothless mouths. But that’s not it. There’s something else about the onset of motherhood that’s truly transformational, and it is hard to describe.
It’s not about the lifestyle changes, the dirty diapers, the sleep deprivation, or the wandering mojo. I think it has to do with coming to terms with the passage of time: the cycle of life, and your role in the continuity of our species.
In my experience, pregnancy was grounding. It hit the pause button on the somber inevitability of aging and the preoccupation with self, career and “progress”. For the first time, there was no need to question my achievements or obsess about work. I was exactly where I was supposed to be, doing exactly what I supposed to be doing. My body was miraculously creating something out of nothing. I felt spectacular. In my lifetime, I would experience this fleeting first pregnancy only once, and this moment was happening right now.
I imagined that the world was as excited about my pregnancy as I was. I needed to be validated in the unique transformation that I was undergoing, and who better to validate my unique transformation than my own mother? So I shared with her every milestone of my pregnancy and she cheered me on with the same enthusiasm that I would soon be showing my baby.
Both my mum and dad have showed me new tricks to use with baby: how to rock him, play him and encourage him. How to make him feel like the centre of my universe.
I’ve felt like an extraordinary person for much of my life, able to do anything, limited only by laziness. There have been dark periods brought about by chemical imbalances in my brain. But underneath that, there has been a solid foundation of unconditional love and confidence. I took it for granted that I was a truly unique and special being, and extraordinary in the eyes of my parents. Only now, when I’ve been learning about encouraging my own child, have I come to realise that my parents have been practicing these same techniques for all of my life.
